Fairy Tales
by abiirosee
Summary: Grudge tells us some classic fairy tales with some very odd twists. T for language. CRACK! OCs. OOC moments. AU. Now complete with a lot of refernces.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N;;**__Of course, I come up with a story idea I have not planned out! UGH! Damn myself, I know. Anyway, my first Making Fiends fanfic!_

_This will be updated when I have inspiration, and will end when I feel it has to end._

_Anyway, there will be some OCs in this (understatement), but plenty of Charlotte, Vendetta, Maggie, and Marvin! Malachi and Marion included! Mort will be here once he gets past my soda can obstacle course… Grudge can talk, by the way._

_Oh damn, this is where I will talk about couples… Marvin/Charlotte, Maggie/Malachi, Marion/Mort, and Vendetta/OC… Shut up! Maggie/Malachi is awesome…_

_I do not own Making Fiends or the characters, unless I state they are my own. I do not own the fairy tales by any means, but that doesn't mean I can't screw around with them._

_And I also do not own "What Not To Wear" or the Bedazzler._

_  
DON'T SUE!_

_OOC abound._

***

Our scene begins in a cliché styled room, with velvet red carpet and a leather black chair set up by the fireplace. There is a small coffee table with a giant book on it, and in the chair, a giant yellow-orange hamster in a maroon and black robe sat by the fire. He looks up and smiles.

"Good day, fellow readers!" He greets. "I am Grudge the Giant Hamster. I am here to tell you some wonderful and well known story tales." He reaches for his book and opens it up to the first page.

"Our first story is Maggie Rella…"

****STORY****

In a trashed town in a small manor lived a light yellow/beige man called the Onion Man. The onion man married a dashing dark blue-green woman named Miley. They lived happily for the first few years, and then soon learned that Miley was pregnant with their first child.

But the fairy tale image was not to last. Miley died in childbirth, leaving the Onion Man to raise his daughter by himself. He named her Margret, but she preferred to go by Maggie.

Now, when Maggie was three, she showed she had lost all hope. She drew depressing pictures, wrote depressing poem, and sighed all the time. The Onion Man panicked, believing the lack of a motherly figure had made Maggie like this.

So he went out and found a young orange lady named Aims to marry. Aims had two kids already, Chardonnay, her purple daughter that wore a vest over her dress, and Gravity, a blinding young yellow boy.

Now, Maggie did not like this. Both the children were waaay to happy. They were hopeful, cheerful, and Chardonnay always wanted Maggie to try on… *gasp* _DRESSES_! The unseen horror of her father's marriage had begun to reveal itself, and Maggie didn't like it.

Now, change our scene and forget all about Maggie. We approach the castle of the green queen of Clamburg, Madame Vendetta! Madame Vendetta had a son, the dark purple Malachi, and he was to wed and take over the thrown.

"Don't you think this is creepy?" Malachi asked Vendetta, VERY out of character.

"This whole thing is stupid!" Vendetta yelled.

"But you're my mom! And we're the same age!" Malachi said. "That means you must have given birth to me when you were a month old!"

"Ew… SHUT UP!"

"No! NO! NO!" Grudge appeared from the side. "You don't say that! GET INTO CHARACTER NOW! Especially you, Malachi! God, I liked you better when you used Elizabethan English or whatever!"

"HAMSTER! You cannot tell ME what to do!"

"Technically, I can. I'M telling the story!" Then, Grudge left, and we rewind to where we just introduced Vendetta and Malachi.

"Son!" The Bulgarian girl yelled, walking up to him. "I need you to find some stupid girl so you can marry her and take over this stupid kingdom!"

"But Mother," Malachi began. "I know-ith not of a lass for me!"

"Oh, talk normal! I hate your stupid accent!" Vendetta yelled. "I will host some STUPID dance for you and you will find some stupid 'lass' and marry her!"

"Alas, Mother, I shall not argue with thou."

"Good! MARVIN! Get out here and make some stupid invitations."

Now, when Marvin posted the announcement, all the girls (pretended) to be overjoyed. Really, most of them just wanted to be queen.

Maggie showed no interest in any of it, but Chardonnay and Aims tried to get her to go.

"Come on Maggie!" Chardonnay begged.

"Margret, dear…"

"MAGGIE!" The dark blue-green girl roared.

"You have no choice!"

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"It's my house too, Maggie!" Then, Maggie pushed them out of her room. Aims looked down at her daughter.

"Wicked little thing." Chardonnay nodded. "I'm going to call Fairy Godmother!"

While Aims was calling Fairy Godmother, Chardonnay got ready for the ball. While Maggie sat in her room, writing a poem, a bright blue light appeared, and Maggie covered her eyes.

"Ugh! Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Charlotte!" Maggie looked up at the sky blue girl in a sparkly dress, with wings and a wand. "I'm your fairy godmother!"

"Dude, you are my age! You can't be my mother!" Charlotte sighed.

"Maggie! If you don't stop, Grudge will get mad at us and make us do weird stuff like Vendetta and Malachi!" The two looked over to the side, and saw grudge holding some rabid dogs back.

"Oh…" Maggie cleared her throat. "So why are you here?"

"To help you get to the ball!" Charlotte giggled.

"I don't want to go!" Maggie yelled. "And if I did, what would I wear?"

"Well… I KNOW!" And with a wave of her wand, appeared Stacy and Clinton from TLC's "What Not To Wear!"

"Oh no!" Maggie screamed in horror, and Clinton scoffed.

"Ugh! Girl!" Clinton scolded, reaching for her hand. "When was the last time you had a serious mani-pedi?"

"And Maggie!" Stacy pulled at her hair. "Look at all these split ends!"

"Gross!" Clinton gagged. Charlotte giggled. "Come on, let's go!"

"Where are you taking me?!!!" Maggie yelled as she got into this magical cab that appeared out of nowhere.

"New York! So you can shop and get some serious sheik going on!" Stacy commented…

So through a long process that would be far too difficult to explain and for the sake of time won't be explained, Maggie was now looking as fresh as ever. Her nails were painted a darker blue-green shade, and her dress was black with a skull belt on it. She wore a black shawl and her hair had some light blue-green streaks in it. She had about ten pounds of make up on, and wore black pumps.

"I hate you all." Charlotte gasped in pure awe, and ran outside.

"Okay, first, we need a carriage!" Charlotte pointed her wand at and onion, and it grew into a huge carriage. "Then, a driver!" Charlotte flew over to the side, and pulled Mort over. "Then, a coachmen guy…" Charlotte grabbed Marion from the side.

"What kind of fairy godmother are you?" Maggie asked. "Aren't you suppose to make mice into people or something...?

"I can give you onyx slippers! Not at all copyrighted!" Charlotte giggled as she waved her wand it turned into a Bedazzler.

"Those are fake…"

"Grudge made our budget pretty low… With the economy and all…" Charlotte answered, gluing on the fake jewels. "There! Now you look dazzling."

"Now go out there and win that boy, Maggie!" Stacy yelled as Clinton wiped tears from his eyes.

"This was one of our best transformations yet!"

"Hey! How about we go transform that fat ass from South Park next?"

"To the portal!" And the two left. Maggie got in her carriage. Aims appeared and Chardonnay, who decided not to go, walked out.

"Now remember, be home by ten!" Aims said.

"WHAT!? The real Cinderella got to be home by twelve!"

"Yes, but since Charlotte's magic isn't that good, you get two hours less for everything…"

"STACY AND CLINTON WERE HERE FOR LIKE, TWO DAYS!"

"Yeah, but they didn't appear because of Charlotte's magic…" Maggie groaned and her carriage took off.

At the ball, Malachi sat in the corner while all the other girls ignored him. Then, enter Maggie. She walked up to him, and said, "Hi. I'm Maggie. I live in a manor across the street. I'm here against my will. Let's dance."

"Uhm, okay?" And then they danced. Then, at ten minutes till ten, Maggie and Malachi stopped dancing.

"Pretty maid," Malachi began. "Doust thou want to wed me?"

"If it'll end this freaking fairy tale, sure."

"WOO HOO! SHE SAID YES!"

"Yeah, but now I have to go. My curfew is in five minutes." And Maggie left, leaving her bedazzled pump on the stairs. Malachi, now back in character, ran down and picked it up.

"Oh! The pretty maid has left me! And all she has left as a reminder is her shoe! I'll never find her again!"

"Dude!" Maggie yelled off screen. "I told you where I lived!"

"I shall search the kingdom and wed her!" So Malachi and Vendetta searched around the manor. Finally, when they were done being IDIOTS, they walked across the street. Chardonnay answered the door.

"Yellow?"

"Good morrow, little lass," Malachi said. "Tell me: are you the maiden whose shoe I have in my possession?"

"No. I wouldn't wear anything THAT poorly bedazzled." Malachi, in a moment of emoness, turned and began to walk home. "But that looks like Maggie's shoe."

"May I see this lass?"

"Sure… MAGGIE!" Then, Maggie came to the door. She looked at Malachi, and then at the shoe.

"You can keep it."

"Is this your shoe?"

"Yeah!" Malachi knelt down on one knee.

"Marry me, Mistress Maggie."

"…Hell no!"

"Why not?" Maggie growled an answered.

"You just proposed to me with my poorly bedazzled shoe! I want a real onyx ring!"

"Fine." Then, after a week, Malachi came back, and proposed with an onyx ring. They were married, and lived happily ever after.

****GRUDGE'S STUDY****

"Ah, stories like that warm my heart." He sets the book down and sips his tea. "Tune in next time for the next story, fellow readers."

***

_Wow. I was thinking I was not capable of writing such crack._

_--__**DAM**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N;; **__Inspiration for this messed up chapter came from my friends._

_No OCs in this chapter!_

_I do not own anything. I do not mean to offend any Lady Gaga/Billy Mays/Michael Jackson/Taylor Lautner's abs/Robert Patterson fans. I'm not BIG on Twilight, but the abs are delicious. I love Lady Gaga and Katy and Michael Jackson._

_This combines three fairy tales, though one doesn't play ANY major role._

***

We open in on a familiar scene, with the giant hamster reading a book. "Ah," he begins, flipping a page. "Fairy tales are a very wonderful thing no?"

He opens the book. "I just love the story of Little Blue Charlansel and Vendettle, and the three boys…"

****STORY****

Skipping through the woods, a happy blue girl in a pretty cloak and a blue ribbon in her hair stopped and turned around.

"Come on, sister!" she called, to reveal a very angry green Bulgarian appearing from over the hill.

"No! I am not your sister!" she screamed.

"If you don't hurry, Grandma Minty will be very upset if she doesn't get her pie!" Vendetta groaned, knowing no way out of this story. As the two began walking at the same pace, Charlotte began to sing.

"_Oh! A walk! A walk through the woods!_"

"Oh! Be quiet!" Vendetta yelled, walking into a tall, creamy yellow colored man with glued on ears and a tail.

"Oh, um," he began. "Grr. I am a wolf. Give me your picnic basket." Charlotte ran up.

"Oooh! A puppy!" Charlotte cheered. "I wonder if it's a boy… I'LL NAME IT SALLY!"

"You make a terrible wolf," Vendetta stated plainly, making Mr. Milk shudder in fear. "Taylor Lautner's abs is more appealing than your performance!" Mr. Milk sighed. He just wanted to go home and dream about being a Swiss Banker.

So, leaving Mr. Milk in the woods, Charlotte and Vendetta began to walk through the forest, until they came across the sign that said:

_Witch's house to your right_

_Grandma's house to your left_

"Ooh!" Charlotte giggled. "Let's go right!" Vendetta let out a groan.

"Stupid blue girl!" she yelled. "Can't you read?!" But of course, Charlotte ignored her, grabbing her hand and dragging her toward the right (wrong) path.

After walking for ten minutes, they came upon a glass house. The two stared in wonder.

"OOH! GRAMMY GOT AN UPGRADE!"

"What is this?!" Slowly, some light music started up.

_Mum mum mum mah_

_Mum mum mum mah_

"Oh no!" Vendetta began to scream.

"Is that Grammy?" Running up to the door with Vendetta in tow, Charlotte knocked on the door, and out walks…

Lady Gaga?

Anyway, Lady Gaga is wearing big, black shades and a purple strapless dress that comes out like an umbrella at the skirt. It has bright green dots on it.

"NOOOOO!" Vendetta yelled. Lady Gaga looked down and smirk.

"Come in, my dearies, you both look FAMISHED!" she said in a very witchy manner. Charlotte grinned.

"HI GRANDMA!"

"You stupid blue girl! That is not GRANDMA!" Vendetta yelled, trying to drag Charlotte away. "That is stupid LADY GAGA! She WANTS TO EAT US!"

But of course, Charlotte didn't hear. Charlotte walked inside the house, dragging Vendetta again, and Lady Gaga closed the door.

"You look like you need a nap," Lady Gaga said.

"Oh yes, Grandma!" Charlotte answered while Vendetta tried to pry herself free.

"Here, why don't you two sleep in my SPECIAL ROOM," Lady Gaga opened up the oven, and Charlotte began to skip towards it. "RA RA AH AH AH! RO MA MA MA MA! GAGA OO LA LA!"

"Stop singing!" Vendetta pleaded. "Stop skipping! I WILL NOT BE EATEN BY SOME STUPID EUROPEAN RECORDING ARTIST! This CAN'T get any worse!"

Then, out of nowhere, appeared Billy Mays!

"Hi, Billy Mays here!"

"OH NO! It just did!"

"Who?" Charlotte stopped, and looked at Billy Mays. He was wearing a white jumpsuit and had wings and a halo.

"I'm your guardian angel1 I also come in pink! If you need me, call 1-800-GO-GODGO!"

"WE NEED YOU NOW!"

"Uh! I don't think you called." Vendetta let out an aggravated groan, and reached into the basket, pulling out a cell phone, and dialed the number. Billy Mays' phone began to ring. "Hello?"

"I NEED HELP! SO DOES THIS STUPID GIRL!"

"Would you like your guardian angel in pink or white?"

"I DON'T CARE JUST GET HERE!" Then, Billy Mays flew over, and punched Lady Gaga, then grabbed Charlotte and Vendetta and flew out the window. Lady Gaga ran over and began to yell too.

"I'LL GET YOU MY PRETTIES! AND BILLY MAYS TOO!"

"Let's get out of here!" Vendetta began to run, and soon they found themselves back in the forest.

This time, there was one sign. The name was crossed out, and of course, Charlotte wanted to take that path.

"Come on, Vendetta!" Charlotte began to skip away, and Vendetta had to unwillingly follow. Did she really want to be mauled by rabid dogs?

So there, they saw a giant house with a sign that said _Neverland Ranch_. If you don't know who's coming in next, please leave right now. It's kind of obvious.

So Charlotte ran up to the door, with Vendetta in tow, and rang the doorbell.

"OW!" A man opened the door, and did a turn. He was white with long black hair. If you still don't know who that is, LEAVE DAMMIT! "Well, look! Some pretty little girls"

"HI GRANDMA!"

"Oh, silly child," the man knelt down. "I'm not your grandma."

"Aren't you supposed to be DEAD?" Vendetta questioned loudly.

"No, that's just ignorant. Come in," he stepped aside and let the girls enter his house. He showed them to the kitchen, where three VERY SCARED little boys stood.

One was a medium sized dark green boy.

One was a tall dark purple boy.

And the last one was a small, blue-gray boy.

"Good morrow, lasses."

"NOT YOU AND YOUR STUPID ACCENT AGAIN!" Vendetta chucked her basket at the purple boy, but "accidently" hit the dark green one.

"MY HEAD!"

"Eeek."

"Aww! Hi! What are your names?"

"Marvin," the one rubbing his head said.

"Malachi, little lass," the purple boy said.

"M--Mort!" the small one screamed. Charlotte laughed.

"SAVE US!" Marvin begged.

"He who lets you in is he who walks among the rows," Malachi said.

"WHAT? Did you just reference _Children of the Corn_?" Vendetta asked. Malachi shrieked.

"Just get us out of here!" Charlotte giggled.

"I know! We should go explore!" Charlotte began to walk up stairs, and everyone follows. Vendetta grabs the basket, and Charlotte opened a door to the bed room.

"That bed is too small, and it has a monkey in it," she pointed to the smallest bed there. "And that one is too big!"

"There is no bed for you guys… Don't you live here?"

"No."

"Screw this! I am calling Billy Mays!" Vendetta grabbed her phone and dialed the number. "Yes, we need you. GET HERE! I don't care."

Billy Mays appeared after that call.

"Hi, Billy Mays here!"

"Jesus Christ, this is chopped full of dead people jokes!" Mort began and Charlotte giggled.

"Hi Billy!"

"Hi, little girl!" Michael Jackson came upstairs, and then gasped.

"_YOU!_"

"Oh no!" Billy Mays then made a drastic outfit change into a Taekwondo uniform, and Michael Jackson changed into his "Beat It" outfit.

"I thought we would meet again!" Michael told Billy. "He he!"

"As did I, Michael Jackson." Then, in a very stereotypical Japanese Anime fighting style, they began their battle.

"You CAN'T be serious!"

"Why are they fighting?" Charlotte asked.

"I don't know, let's just get out of here while we still can." And the group left.

They finally found their way back to where it all started. Charlotte, Vendetta, and the three boys found "the wolf" where he last was.

"Ugh! You are paler than Robert Patterson!" Vendetta said, making another damned _Twilight _reference. "Get some tanning oil or something!"

"But---." They left, taking the RIGHT path, and making it to Grandma Minty's house.

And they all ate pie.

***

_This chapter sucked. My friend and I were talking about something two of our classmates came up with… And this happened…_

_--__**DAM**_


End file.
